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My Lifetime Original Movie based Life

Published February 22, 2013 by crayolasandcombatboots

Yes, I have felt lately that my life is based on a Lifetime Original Movie. You know the kind where there are lies, manipulations and cover ups.

My whole life I was lied to about who my Dad was and the circumstances of my birth. As a result I grew up feeling like a throw away. My self-esteem was always low and I couldn’t accept love fully.

On Saturday, Feb. 9th that all changed. I met my Dad for the first time since I was 6 months old. This Sunday the 24th I will be 37 years old. That is too long for somebody to go without their Dad. How is it like a Lifetime Movie, for starters The lies.

The lies started with who my Dad was( I was given the wrong name my whole life)

The manipulations: While my real Dad was otherwise occupied(that is a whole other Lifetime Movie) I was hidden from him and his family and sub sequentially adopted in a closed adoption.

The Cover-up: My Grandmother keeping hush-hush about my real Dad’s identity. Brainwashing everybody to follow the same Mantra .

Yes, there were the occasional slip ups that would have led you to the right ending(just like in a movie when there is a twist and you think it’s going to turn out the other way)However the script is usually followed with no ad libs. My Grandmother was a great Director who should win an Academy Award.

That all came to a Climactic conclusion That Saturday when the truth was revealed(That will be another Blog post within the next week) The lies all started coming out and the happy ending with my Dad and I hugging and me looking into his eyes and having all the pieces just start falling into place.

My conception and birth was not a catastrophic event that was due to bad circumstances. I learned that I was made out of love and that my Dad had tried to find me for years and had always had that same hole in his heart. That same hole that I had growing up. Both of our holes are finally able to be filled.

I have a Dad that anybody would be proud to have. He is a kind, caring soul and I can finally see myself in someone else. We only met less than 2 weeks ago but I can’t imagine my life without him.

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Family Drama and why I don’t need it

Published January 29, 2013 by crayolasandcombatboots

This may be considered a rant but whatever, this is MY blog so I can say what I want on here.

So this is what happened…….
Yesterday my Aunt calls my Hubby to take her to do her once a month big errands which she does almost every month. She gets in the car and then says, “so I hear that your drinking” He’s been sober and clean for 14.5 years so this is a total shock to him! He’s like “Where did you hear that?”
She says” From J(I’m not gonna put the name here because I don’t want her to get offended or anything)”

Mind you J hasn’t talked to us or seen us in over a year so how the hell would she know anything. J is my other Aunt from my Mom’s side of the family and she lives 4 blocks away from us, doesn’t call, come over or anything. Miraculously she just KNOWS that my hubby has been drinking. This is ridiculous considering that she drinks, smokes herself. Also, I feel that this shows a total lack of respect for me, her niece, to be spreading lies about my husband. She never once called me or stopped by to see if it was true she just assumed wand started spreading vicious lies.

My family wonders why I don’t take my kids around them or come and visit by myself. This is why. My husband and I don’t fit in because we don’t drink, smoke or talk crap all day. We also don’t allow our kids to visit because of the negative influence. I know blood is blood but when you didn’t know that blood until you were 19 years old, with your own morals and values already instilled in you it is hard to change.

I don’t need the drama. I have enough drama with my 3 kids. Other people’s drama has no place in my life. I was told that you can’t choose family however I can choose because when I was little and being put up for adoption my biological family chose NOT to fight for me.

How many other people out there feel the same about their families?
I have a feeling I’m not the only one.

 

the cosleeping story that had me spitting mad!

Published January 12, 2013 by crayolasandcombatboots

This is the story that had me spitting mad yesterday on the news.

http://mystateline.com/fulltext-news?nxd_id=375072

The “expert” was calling parents that cosleep “negligent and abusive”. I take offense to that as a cosleeping parent. I have 3 kids that I have coslept with full time as infants and though toddler age. I am neither “neglectful” nor am I “abusive”. They had NO parents that cosleep as part of the story. I amount that to one sided journalism. They only told one side of the issue. The side that was negative. They acted as if all experts are against cosleeping. They must have never heard of Dr. Sears who is a world renowned Pediatrician and expert on Cosleeping.

This is HIS opinion on Cosleeping

http://www.askdrsears.com/news/latest-news/dr-sears-addresses-recent-co-sleeping-concerns

I would take the advice and expertise of somebody that has children of his own and has coslept  himself as a parent. If you ask me a Parent is a Real “expert”.

A link to safe cosleeping guidelines

http://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Note that one of the guidelines warns against intoxicated individuals cosleeping. Those that “roll over” on their babies are more than likely intoxicated and therefore don’t have the awareness that they need to have in order to cosleep. 

I can’t believe that an infant is supposed to spend 9 months in a nice warm nurturing environment and when born be forced to be alone in a cold crib on their backs and in a dark silent room. An infant needs their Mother’s touch and smell to survive and flourish.

Thank you for reading this and so this ends my rant!!

Organization what’s that?

Published January 9, 2013 by crayolasandcombatboots

Trying to organize this house is CRAZY! I am in the process of organizing my house so it can go up for sale and it is maddening. I am going room by room and it seems like as soon as I have one room done the last room is in shambles. I think I see a trip to Dollar tree to pick up a whole bunch of totes and storage containers. I also foresee that the garbage man will be earning his paycheck at our house. Hopefully I will be able to post before and after pics where the after lasts more than a day.

Our new journey into Homeschooling.

Published January 6, 2013 by crayolasandcombatboots

We have started a new chapter in our lives homeschooling my 14-year-old Freshman in High School. This was a decision that was very hard however it had to be done.

First of all, she is slightly learning disabled where she doesn’t learn as fast as the other kids her age.

Second,her maturity level is a couple of years behind her peers. She does not feel the need to be “mature” like the rest of the kids at school. She actually had a girl tell her in Gym class that she needed to lose her virginity since after all she is in High School.

Third, the school itself sucks as far as learning and safety is concerned. The school year began on August 27th and since then they have had almost e weekly lockdown, contraband checks and food fights. The fire alarm is being pulled almost every day.  How can a person learn in that kind of environment.

The straw that broke the camel’s back is when she had food thrown on her and the young man who threw it at her called her a Bitch and a whore after she had thrown it back at him. I was very scared for her because that the school has no metal detectors and checks and balances that make sure that a student has no weapons. He could have had a knife or a gun and could have hurt her with that kind of attitude.

The school never called me after it happened and I kept her home waiting for them to call me. My husband and I went to the school after 2 days to see what was going on since I had never received a call from the school. We were actually sitting in the Assistant Principal’s office talking about security of the students on Friday December 14th at 9:30 in the morning. I had no idea at that time that Sandy Hook even existed nor did I know what was happening as I sat in his office. That was the day and time we withdrew her from the Public school system. It was not till we got back home that we learned about Sandy Hook.

We are starting slow and learning what works for her but she is already a much happier girl. The stress is gone from her. Her face is clearing up and I am able to see my beautiful happy daughter. That is what makes it all worth it for me.

I will be updating curriculums that I have found that work for us and what we are doing creatively.

Homelessness, Panhandlers and what to do

Published October 11, 2012 by crayolasandcombatboots

hello Everybody!

I was on Facebook yesterday and ran across this post  from Life with Levi’s Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/LifeWithLevi/posts/49457762723293

It raises a very good question that baffles a lot of people. What do we do when we see a homeless person on the street asking for money or a handout. First of all, I was homeless at one point by choice and circumstances. I also did things for money that I am not too proud of.

During my time being homeless I became a member of a great organization that is called Inspiration Corporation today.

http://www.inspirationcorp.org/

Back then it was just simply Inspiration Cafe. The founder Lisa Nigro has a blog that is very eloquent.

http://www.lisanigrospeaks.com/

She tells a lot about the reasons she started Inspiration Cafe. At one time someone had actually posed the same question to her and what she said has always stuck with me.  She said that she will give them a God Bless you, a smile and a business card of a legitimate organization that can help them.

I know a lot of people that will say that is not going to solve their immediate need for food or clothing however I truly believe this is the right thing to do in this situation. As a person that was homeless the help that an organization can give that has all the professionals and is set up to take care of long term needs will far better serve that individual than a quarter or a sandwich in the short-term. It all boils down to whether the individual wants legitimate help or short-term temporary help.

I personally am very grateful that I was able to be a part of a great organization that helped me very much. It was at Inspiration Cafe that my husband and I met, became friends and fell in love. These types of organizations can and do help more than giving a sandwich or cash can help any day.

So get a stack of business cards of local organizations that can help people and when you see a person on the street holding a sign give them a God Bless You, a smile and a card that may change their future in the long run.

How I am a crappy Mom

Published September 19, 2012 by crayolasandcombatboots

Ok so I have been told lately that I am a crappy Mom. 

I cloth Diaper

I also use disposables on vacation

I circumcised my son

I cosleep

I constantly have a TV on( I hate a quiet house)

My 3 year old is still not completely potty trained

I only breasfed my oldest for 3 months

I formula fed my 2 youngest from the start

I had an epidural for my first child

My 3 year old just gave up having a water bottle 3 months ago to go to bed.

I do cook 

I do love my kids

I would spend all day cuddling with my 3 year old on the couch when the 2 oldest go to school if I could

I do stress veggies be it from a can or frozen or fresh.

They are as clean as possible

They are genuinely happy

They do know about God, we don’t go to church but they are all taught that God is love and as long as we all show loving kindness to each other that is all we are asked to do.

They say yes maam and yes sir

So, I may not do everything right according to the “Experts” but it is what works for our family.